A Great Marriage is Not When… Daily Meditation 12.18.23

Today’s quotation:

A great marriage is not when the “perfect couple” comes together.  It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.-Dave Meurer

Today’s Meditation:

Romanticized notions have ruined many a marriage, I believe.  Somehow–often from movies or friends or romance novels–we get these ideas of what marriage “should be,” and when we build up this ideal in our minds, it becomes incredibly easy, and sometimes inevitable, that we become disappointed in our partner.  This is quite a shame because our partner usually doesn’t deserve our disappointment–they deserve our love, commitment, and understanding.

Yes, some people are bad partners who treat their partner horribly and need to be ditched at the first possible moment because they’ll never change for any reason.  This isn’t about them.  This is about those people who would make great couples if only both parties were able to let go of artificial expectations and accept the other just as they are, learning to “enjoy their differences,” for differences are what make a partnership exciting and enjoyable, as long as we accept each other and make a strong effort to make things work with someone a bit different than we are.

Marriage does take effort if it’s to be successful.  It doesn’t just happen.  The effort shouldn’t be terrible and tedious but should be there.  We need to be willing to compromise, let go of some expectations, and accept different ways of doing things if we’re to make our marriages work.  And that’s part of the joy of marriage- our willingness to give enough to give up some things that we generally want to reach a compromise that will work for both of us.  There are certain things that I don’t ask of my wife and certain things that she’s given up (mostly) for me, and we’re both fine with that.

If we look at marriage as this wonderfully romantic bliss for the rest of our lives, guess what?  We’re probably going to run into a bit of trouble.  But if we recognize that we will be facing a bit of work- much of it working on ourselves and our ability to compromise to make things work- then at least we give our marriage a fighting chance.  Marriage can be wonderful, or it can be difficult and trying.  Let’s try to make it wonderful by not putting excessive and artificial expectations on our partners.

Questions to consider:

In your marriage or in those you’ve seen, what are the things that most surprised you about what marriage truly is?

Why do so many people develop a simplistic, romantic view of what marriage should be?

What are some of the difficulties of marriage?  What are some of the rewards?

For further thought:

Marriage is not just spiritual communication and passionate embraces; marriage is also three meals a day, sharing the workload, and remembering to take out the trash.-Joyce Brothers

If you missed our last Daily Meditation, it is here.