A Spiritual Eraser-Shared Heart Newsletter 5.2.24
Dear Shared Heart Friends,
Welcome to our May 2nd newsletter of 2024. Learn about a Spiritual Eraser and what it means in your (and my life), our retreat schedule and more.
Summer Couple’s Retreat June 20-23
Would you like your relationship to reach a new level of love, healing, intimacy and commitment?
Couples describe these weekends as a safe and loving place to learn and practice new skills for their relating.
Excerpt from this month’s article:
“Holding a grudge or resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
“A Couple of Miracles is an amazing book by two amazing humans. I was brought to tears many times. I don’t want you to miss a word of this outstanding book.”
—Susan Campbell, PhD, author of Getting Real
Semi-Finalist, Book of the Year, Online Book Club
A Couple of Miracles: One Couple, More Than a Few Miracles, available only on Amazon.com as a Kindle e-book for only $6.95 (or paperback for $18.95). Here’s the link: A Couple of Miracles
“I would add to Joyce and Barry’s number of miracles … this book! When two health professionals, despite our training, can open their minds and consciousness to the truth of life, miracles can happen. Read this book!”
—Bernie Siegel, MD, author of Love, Medicine & Miracles
“A truly inspirational story that can open our hearts to appreciate the many miracles that can come through love, compassion and wisdom. A real page turner!”
—John Gray, PhD, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
“The Vissells’ latest book, A Couple of Miracles, will bring tears to the eyes of readers: tears of joy, tears of compassion, tears of heartache, and tears of laughter. It’s got everything! Readers who are skeptical about miracles should be warned that this book could turn you into a believer! Read this book if you’re looking for a jolt of pure inspiration!”
—Linda Bloom, LCSW and Charlie Bloom, MSW, authors of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married
Unbelievable Book Sale: To Really Love a Woman and To Really Love a Man (each regular price $15.95) now $15 for both with free shipping; and if you buy both, as a bonus, just $3 each (and free shipping) for as many as you want of the following books: The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk To Be Healed, Rami’s Book, Light in the Mirror, and A Mother’s Final Gift.
Shared Heart Column
Heartfulness May 2024
with Joyce and Barry Vissell
“A Spiritual Eraser”
April 15 was National Tax Day, which is not very popular.
But it was also National Eraser Day. Eraser day is referring to the eraser at the end of a pencil. But I am referring to the possibility of erasing grudges in our lives, so that we can have a freer more open-hearted life.
When I Was Growing Up
When I was growing up, I only had one grandparent, who lived with our family for several weeks three or four times a year. My father played with me a lot, read stories at night, laughed and joked, and was a wonderful father. Barry is that kind of man as a grandfather, always playing and loving and believing in our two grandsons. My grandfather was none of those things. He was stern and bitter. Earlier in his life, he had owned a business with his brother, and he felt that his brother had cheated him. He often obsessed about that supposed injustice, even to me as a little girl. He wanted me to know every single detail. I remember having to sit and listen to him tell me all the details. There was so much bitterness in his voice. My father told me that the story got worse with each telling, and that he was not sure that his uncle had in fact cheated my grandfather. My parents believed in honoring elders and so my grandfather was allowed to keep telling this story, even though none of us wanted to hear it.
One day, his brother called, and my mother picked up the phone. The brother told her that he was dying and wished to come to our house and see my grandfather to say good-bye. His daughter would drive him. My mother was so happy and went to tell my grandfather, who refused to see him because of the things that he had done to cheat him, probably thirty years earlier. My mother argued with him and told him this was a chance to be free of this terrible grudge. It was the only time I ever heard my gentle Swedish mother raise her voice to an elder. My grandfather still refused to see his brother and my mother went back to deliver the disappointing news.
My mother was so upset that she came to me and in a very serious voice told me to never do what my grandfather was doing, “You must never carry a grudge. Always seek to let it go. That grudge has made your grandfather a very bitter man.”
That incident had a profound effect on my impressionable teenage self, and I remember every detail of the event. My grandfather died several years later bringing that grudge with him to his grave. (he never had a Spiritual Eraser)
Fifteen years later, I realized that I was in fact carrying a grudge against my grandfather. One incident in particular stands out. I was seventeen and had a date to the prom. I made my own dress because we had no money to buy one. Finally, on the evening of the prom, I came downstairs in my new dress. My grandfather, watching me from his chair in the living room, in front of my proud mother and father, loudly proclaimed to them, “She looks just like a street walker,” and he used the German term for a prostitute. My mother and father were horrified, and I was shocked and disgraced.
Why couldn’t he have been the warm and loving grandfather that most children have? I really could not remember one incident of warmth or caring from him. I knew from all the growth that I had done that a powerful way of letting go of a grudge is to remember even one positive thing about him. I thought and thought for many weeks and came up with nothing. He never touched me inappropriately and I felt very grateful about that. But I needed a positive memory and so I continued to contemplate this and, after much thought and prayer, I remembered that when I was in high school and studying German my grandfather would come out for breakfast each morning and teach me a new German word or phrase. Now this may not sound like much, but for me it did the trick in allowing me to let go of my grudge towards him. He took time each day to teach me a new word and I could sense caring in that.
From then on, whenever I would think about my grandfather, I would think about those German words and the caring thought that went into them. As I remembered something positive, I felt lighter and freer. The grudge was gone. Yes, I still wish I could have experienced a loving grandfather, but I can always go back to the caring in those German words.
We just finished a workshop and, as one of the practices, we led an exercise on letting go of grudges. It was a hard assignment yet, with the help of the group, each person was able to remember at least one positive thing which allowed them to take a step toward letting go of their grudge. A woman in the workshop quoted the popular quote, “Holding a grudge or resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
There is a Sufi saying, “If you have room in your heart for one enemy, then that is an unsafe place for a friend.” May we all do the inner work of releasing the resentments and grudges that we hold, and make our hearts a truly safe place.
Semi-Finalist, Book of the Year, Online Book Club
Order our new book HERE
Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are passionate about conscious relationship and personal-spiritual growth. They are the authors of 10 books and a free audio album of sacred songs and chants. Visit SharedHeart.org for their free weekly inspirational video and monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart.
Our schedule at a glance (details below — All events are now in-person):
June 20-23: Summer Couple’s Retreat
July 19-21: Esalen Couples Retreat
November 6-10: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)
Quote of the Month:
“The risk to love is the risk to become vulnerable. We can only love if we risk being hurt.” – Risk To Be Healed, p. 60
Please join Joyce and me in holding a vision of a world where women, men and children of all nations, races and religions can see and feel the divine in themselves and one another. Here is our current 2024 workshop schedule. Joyce and I would love to see you at one of these events. Please remember how important this spiritual-emotional growth work is. Together let’s take another step on this journey into the heart of love and deeper awareness, where real world healing begins. Peace be with you all.
June 20-23: Summer Couple’s Retreat
Would you like your relationship to reach a new level of love, healing, intimacy and commitment? Couples describe these weekends as a safe and loving place to learn and practice new skills for their relating.
July 19-21: Esalen Couples Retreat
Learn skills to dramatically improve your relationship, while luxuriating at one of the most uniquely beautiful retreat centers we have ever visited.
November 6-10: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)
Find and live your dream, your passion, and your purpose! Individually and together with a small, carefully chosen group of 8-14 participants, these 6 months will help you transform your life.
We are excited to offer our FREE album of sacred songs and chants, “I Stand for Love,” our first musical recording. You can download the whole album for free, or listen to it on YouTube. Wait till you hear the exquisite harmonies added by our son, John-Nuri.
Free Album Download
Listen on YouTube
Volunteers Needed.
The Shared Heart Foundation needs volunteers. If you would like to support our vision and work, no matter where you live, email info@sharedheart.org.
Counseling with the Vissells.
For individuals or couples who want help, you can choose from one hour to a two-day intensive with either one or both of us. https://sharedheart.org/counseling/
Our love and blessings to you all,
Barry and Joyce Vissell
Please click on SharedHeart.org for inspiring articles about relationship and consciousness, as well as our updated schedule.
