Freedom From Hidden Shame-Shared Heart 8.2.23
Freedom From Hidden Shame
| Dear Shared Heart Friends, The Greatest Journey Nov 2023-Apr 2024 Find and live your dream, your passion, and your purpose! Individually and together with a small, carefully chosen group of 8-14 participants, these 6 months will help you recreate your life. Autumn Couples Retreat Nov 16-19 Would you like your relationship to reach a new level of love, healing, intimacy, and commitment? Couples describe these weekends as a safe and loving place to learn and practice new skills for their relating. We are excited to offer our FREE album of sacred songs and chants, “I Stand for Love,” our first musical recording. You can download the whole album for free or listen to it on YouTube. Wait till you hear the exquisite harmonies added by our son, John-Nuri. Free Album Download Listen on YouTube This month’s article excerpt: “As we can love the parts that we keep hidden, we become more authentic and powerful.” Our latest book, Heartfullness: 52 Ways to Open to More Love, is available only on Amazon.com as a Kindle e-book for only $5.99 (or paperback for $15.95). Read what one reviewer says: “I love love love this book!! For me, it is like a thought for the day … I read — then carry that nugget of love, joy, or peace to ponder and bathe in throughout the day, –or even take into my meditations!! such a treasure !! priceless!” –Trish Turpel Here’s the link: Find the Book here on Amazon (not an affiliate link) Unbelievable Book Sale: To Really Love a Woman and To Really Love a Man (each regular price $15.95) are now $15 for both with free shipping; and if you buy both, as a bonus, just $3 each (and free shipping) for as many as you want of the following books: The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk To Be Healed, Rami’s Book, Light in the Mirror, and A Mother’s Final Gift. Please call Paris at 831-684-2130 to order. Shared Heart Column Heartfulness August 2023 with Joyce and Barry Vissell “Freedom from Hidden Shame” In 1977, Barry and I had the great fortune of having Ram Dass counsel and mentor us in person for over two years. He is the Harvard psychology professor who brought the teachings of his Indian guru to the United States. His first book, Be Here Now, became a kind of bible to us, and was a world-wide sensation. Ram Dass went on to teach many thousands of people directly through his talks and also millions through his books. He was writing a book about his guru and moved to Soquel, a small town ten minutes from our home in Aptos, near Santa Cruz. He decided that rather than isolate himself completely. He would choose six people he would counsel and help over the several years he was writing his book. Barry and I just happened to be in the right place at the right time, and he chose us. And we needed help to become humble and more grounded. Ram Dass taught us many essential things, many of which we still use in our work forty-seven years later. Perhaps the most important is to accept and love ourselves completely and to not hide the darker sides of our being. Everyone has something that they hide from others. They feel that if others knew their dark secrets, they would not like them. Therefore, it is easier to show everyone the best part of themselves. He told us repeatedly that we must bring out these hidden parts and embrace and make friends with those parts of ourselves. As we can love the features that we keep hidden, we become more authentic and powerful. Barry and I worked in Europe for twenty years, leading workshops in Germany, Norway, and Italy. In one of the training workshops in Germany, we asked everyone to share something they keep hidden and have difficulty loving with a small group. An older man named Tom asked us to come closer and sit with him as he shared. He was obviously terrified. He shared that he had a terrible secret; he wore women’s clothing to comfort himself. No one knew about this except for his wife, who was very accepting. They raised two children together, and these children never knew about this. We gave him a lot of love and acceptance and then told him that it would be good if he shared this with the whole group of about twenty people, who had been together as a training group for two years. Tom grew pale with fear. But because he trusted us, he did open up. When he shared his shame, everyone in the group was very accepting and loving. This acceptance and love allowed Tom to fully love himself and not live in infamy for this part of himself. The following year, with the same group of people, we asked him to show us how he dresses in women’s clothes. His fear level was great, but he excused himself and returned several minutes later wearing a woman’s flannel nightgown. Most of the group imagined the outfit would be more sensual, but this comforted him. He looked a bit like an old-fashioned grandma. Once again, the group was very accepting and loving towards him. The act of so-openly sharing this secret with others brought great freedom to Tom. Over the following years that we saw him, he reported that as he loved himself more, he could love others more and fully see the beauty around him. He told his two grown children, and they had great acceptance for him, and they got even closer. The act of bringing forth his shame and feeling the approval of others was a very positive life change. worldwide It takes great energy to hide a secret shame. It takes tremendous power to show only the positive side of yourself and be in fear that others might reject you if they knew what secret you have. Your whole life will improve as you bring this forth and feel love and acceptance for yourself. I am currently counseling a woman who is gradually sharing a secret she has held for fifty years. It was complicated for her to share with me. I am the first person to know her secret. I have met everything she shares with me with the deepest love from my heart. It is an absolute privilege to hear about her shame. As she shares more, I find myself loving her more and more and seeing her beauty more clearly. She has told me that since telling me of this secret shame, her work and love life have greatly improved. There is great power in bringing forth the parts of ourselves that we keep hidden because of shame. In the words of Ram Dass, “As you bring forth these hidden parts of you to love, they become part of your power.” We become more whole as we can love ourselves more fully. I am suggesting this for all people: to find someone with whom you can share something you hold as shameful, something you have never told anyone. This could be a close friend, a partner, or a therapist. Share with them this hidden shame. You will find that they will be able to accept you and love you, and show no judgement. Sharing something you have kept secret will open you up to greater love and a more profound sense of freedom. Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, passionate about conscious relationships and personal spiritual growth. They are the authors of 9 books and a new free audio album of sacred songs and chants. Call 831-684-2130 for further information on counseling sessions by phone, online, or in person, their books, recordings or schedule of talks and workshops. Visit their website at SharedHeart.org for their free monthly e-heartletter, updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on relationships and living from the heart. Our schedule at a glance (details below — All events are now in-person): November 2023 – April 2024: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program) November 16-19: Autumn Couples Retreat Quote of the Month:“What seems to the mind as the greatest obstacle, through the healing power of love, can become the greatest strength.” – The Shared Heart, p. 9 Please join Joyce and me in holding a vision of a world where women, men and children of all nations, races, and religions can see and feel the divine in themselves and one another. Here is our current 2023 workshop schedule. Joyce and I would love to see you at one of these events. Please remember how vital this spiritual-emotional growth work is. Let’s take another step into the heart of love and deeper awareness, where real world healing begins. Peace be with you all. November 2023 – April 2024: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)Find and live your dream, passion, and purpose! Individually and together with a small, carefully chosen group of 8-14 participants, these six months will help you transform your life. November 16-19: Autumn Couples Retreat Would you like your relationship to reach a new level of love, healing, intimacy, and commitment? Couples describe these weekends as a safe and loving place to learn and practice new skills for their relating.  Volunteers Needed. The Shared Heart Foundation needs volunteers. If you would like to support our vision and work, no matter where you live, email info@sharedheart.org . Counseling with the Vissells. For individuals or couples who need help, you can choose from one hour to a two-day intensive with either one or both of us. http://sharedheart.org/counseling/ Our love and blessings to you all, Barry and Joyce Vissell Please click on SharedHeart.org for inspiring articles about relationships and consciousness and our updated schedule. |
