Honoring Differences: Let Them Enrich Your Life 12.4.24 News
Dear Shared Heart Friends,
Welcome to our December Newsletter about honoring differences.
Shared Heart Couples Alaskan Cruise June 6-13
Cruise from Seattle through the Inside Passage to Alaska and back while you gain powerful tools for deepening your relationship.
Excerpt from this month’s article: “For Barry, his mother’s oldest son, to be marrying a non-Jewish woman (a shiksa!), it was almost too much for his mother to bear.“
“A Couple of Miracles is an amazing book by two amazing humans. I was brought to tears many times. I don’t want you to miss a word of this outstanding book.”
—Susan Campbell, PhD, author of Getting Real
Semi-Finalist, Book of the Year, Online Book Club: Order our new book HERE
“I would add to Joyce and Barry’s number of miracles … this book! When two health professionals, despite our training, can open their minds and consciousness to the truth of life, miracles can happen. Read this book!”—Bernie Siegel, MD, author of Love, Medicine & Miracles
“A truly inspirational story that can open our hearts to appreciate the many miracles that can come through love, compassion, and wisdom. A real page-turner!”
—John Gray, PhD, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
“The Vissells’ latest book, A Couple of Miracles, will bring tears to the eyes of readers: tears of joy, tears of compassion, tears of heartache, and tears of laughter. It’s got everything! Readers who are skeptical about miracles should be warned that this book could turn you into a believer! Read this book if you’re looking for pure inspiration!”
—Linda Bloom, LCSW, and Charlie Bloom, MSW, authors of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married
Unbelievable Book Sale:
To Really Love a Woman and To Love a Man (each regular price $15.95) are now $15 for both with free shipping; and if you buy both, as a bonus, just $3 each (and free shipping) for as many as you want of the following books: The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk To Be Healed, Rami’s Book, Light in the Mirror, and A Mother’s Final Gift.
Shared Heart Column Honoring Differences
Heartfulness December 2024 with Joyce and Barry Vissell
“Honoring Differences: Let Them Enrich Your Life”
Honoring differences in life is important, whether between friends, coworkers, or family members. This practice can teach us so much.
When Barry and I wanted to marry, no one thought we could make it as a couple. Yes, the love was abundant, but we were different religions. Barry was raised in a traditional Jewish family and attended the temple with his family. I was raised in a Christian family and attended church twice a week. At that time in 1968, on the East Coast, people with this difference in religion did not get married. It was unheard of. Everyone thought we should break up and find someone else. We tried, but it did not work. We came back together and decided to get married, but no one would marry us, especially not Barry’s childhood rabbi.
Finally, my mother set up an appointment with her minister at her church near the University of Buffalo. This man, the Reverend Davis, was a Godsend. He told us he could see that we loved each other very much, but he would marry us on one condition: we must promise not to try to change the other. He told us that our differences can complement and strengthen our union. If we honor these differences, they will bless our lives. And true to our promise to him, we have honored our differences, and they have indeed blessed us. We now have a shared spirituality, perhaps our most profound strength as a couple.
I swim every day at a club near our home. I often go at the same time, and so does another woman. We have gotten to be friends. I like this woman. She is the friendliest at the club, treating everyone with love and respect. She also has fascinating tales of growing up in Europe after the war ended. While we were getting dressed after our swim, she shared these stories. We both know that we have very different political views, and we both know that we will vote very differently. Many months before the election, we promised each other that we would not talk about politics. And we honored this commitment. She was pleased on the day after the election. I was not. But we never talked about it. We maintained our commitment. I believe that if we would have talked about politics, we might have lost our friendship. I saw that happen to someone else at the club. But we did not, so our relationship is strong, and I still enjoy her stories. I feel blessed to know her.
My older brother is very different from me in politics and religious views. He has very strong opinions. We are the only children with the same great parents, yet we turned out very differently. And yet, I love him very much, and we have a similar commitment to never discussing politics or religion. If he forgets, and sometimes does, one of his four children immediately reminds him. We have been able to maintain a good relationship regardless of these differences.
Barry’s mother grew up in a Jewish neighborhood in Brooklyn. Her first language was Yiddish. She took Judaism very seriously. It was a shock to her when Barry started dating me, and it was even more remarkable when our relationship became more serious and we became engaged. Barry’s mother lived in a Jewish world, surrounded by Jewish family, neighbors, and friends. For her oldest son to be marrying a non-Jewish woman (a shiksa!) was almost too much to bear. Even after we were married, she kept a slight distance from me, and I could tell she hoped our relationship would not make it.
Then we had our first child, and she asked, “What side of the family does she resemble?” Barry answered wisely, “She looks just like Joyce.” And that comment blew open her world. Barry’s mother opened wide and entirely accepted our daughter, and her world opened up. She began having close non-Jewish friends, and she and my mother developed a close and deep relationship for the rest of their lives. And she grew close to me as well. She enjoyed lighting the Hanukkah candles and, at the same time, enjoyed our Christmas tree and my manger scene on the mantle. She and I grew so close that she became my second mother. She had learned to honor our differences.
Perhaps there is someone in your life whose differences keep you separated. Maybe honoring differences and finding the commonality between the two of you, the place where you can meet in the heart. And though you will never change that person, you can find ways to connect deeply.
Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, passionate about conscious relationships and personal spiritual growth. They are the authors of 10 books and a free audio album of sacred songs and chants. Visit SharedHeart.org for their free weekly inspirational video and monthly e-heartletter, updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on relationships and living from the heart.
Our schedule at a glance (details below — All events are now in-person):
January 3-5: Esalen Couples Retreat
January 29-February 2: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)
February 12-16: The Couple’s Journey
March 14-16: Men Living from the Heart
June 6-13: Shared Heart Couples Alaskan Cruise
Quote of the Month:
“The more beauty we can see in others, the more beauty we can see in ourselves. As we hold fast to the beauty in others, so do we also become beautiful.” –The Shared Heart, p. 58
Please join Joyce and me in holding a vision of a world where women, men, and children of all nations, races, and religions can see and feel the divine in themselves and one another. Honoring differences between each other whether it is between friends, or siblings could make a big difference. Here is our current 2025 workshop schedule. Joyce and I would love to see you at one of these events. Please remember how vital this spiritual-emotional growth work is. Let’s take another step on this journey into the heart of love and deeper awareness, where real-world healing begins. Peace be with you all.
January 3-5: Esalen Couples Retreat
Learn skills to dramatically improve your relationship, while luxuriating at one of the most uniquely beautiful retreat centers we have ever visited.
January 29-February 2: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)
Find and live your dream, your passion, and your purpose! Individually and together with a small, carefully chosen group of 8-14 participants, these 6 months will help you transform your life.
February 12-16: The Couple’s Journey
During this 4-day retreat, you will not only open to more love and connection you thought possible, but you will have enough time to integrate these positive changes into your lives back home.
March 14-16: Men Living from the Heart
Before we as men can really know intimate love, we need to connect with our own hearts and with other men more deeply. Come to this retreat to learn how this process works, to establish meaningful friendships, and to learn how and why men distract themselves from their true happiness.
June 6-13: Shared Heart Couples Alaskan Cruise
A couples’ retreat combined with a cruise through the Inside Passage from Seattle to Alaska. This can be a life-changing voyage! When we are not on the ship, we will explore some spectacular places. We booked 8 balcony cabins. 4 are still available.
We are excited to offer our first musical recording, “I Stand for Love,” a FREE album of sacred songs and chants. You can download the whole album for free or listen to it on YouTube. Wait until you hear the exquisite harmonies added by our son, John-Nuri.
Free Album Download
Listen on YouTube
Volunteers Needed. The Shared Heart Foundation needs volunteers. If you would like to support our vision and work, no matter where you live, email info@sharedheart.org.
Counseling with the Vissells. For individuals or couples who want help, you can choose from one hour to a two-day intensive with either one or both of us. https://sharedheart.org/counseling/
Our love and blessings to you all,
Barry and Joyce Vissell
Please click on SharedHeart.org for inspiring articles about relationships and consciousness and our updated schedule.
