Listening to Your Partner’s Premonitions: Another VW Van Misadventure
Dear Shared Heart Friends,
Listening to Your Partner’s Premonitions. Another VW Van Misadventure with the Vissells.
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Excerpt from this month’s article: “If my intuition differs from Joyce’s intuition, we each have to listen very carefully to the other side.”
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Shared Heart Column
Heartfulness July 2023
with Joyce and Barry Vissell
“Listening to Your Partner’s Premonitions:
Another VW Van Misadventure”
In 1977, Joyce and I spent part of the summer renting a house in Mt. Shasta. Because our first daughter, Rami, was only one year old, we sometimes took turns exploring the area while the other one stayed home watching our baby. On one of my turns, I drove into the mountains above Lake Siskiyou on a road following the upper stretches of the Sacramento River. I had heard about a magical lake that was only accessible by four-wheel drive vehicles. Since our VW van was only a two-wheel drive, I drove to the end of the paved road, parked, then walked several miles on the rough road to a truly gorgeous small lake set in a glacial bowl. There was granite everywhere, with a gem of a lake set in the middle like a sparkling diamond in a granite setting.
I spent the day meditating and frolicking in the lake. I had it all to myself. And I knew I had to bring Joyce and Rami here to experience this wonderland. Because I had walked the road to the lake, I had the chance to really evaluate the possibility of getting there in our van. I decided it was doable.
That night, I told Joyce about the lake, amply describing its glories. I was not prepared for her reaction. She said, “Barry, I have a bad feeling about going there.”
Deflated, I still rallied, “But why? It’s gorgeous! And I checked the road out carefully. We can make it in our van.”
Joyce has often had a hard time opposing my desires. Still, she said, “I can’t explain my feeling. The more you go on about this place, the worse I feel.”
I wouldn’t give up. I promised her a great time, and finally, she relented. We went the next morning, despite her misgivings.
We left the paved road and ventured onto the four-wheel-drive road. I have to acknowledge it was not easy going, but slowly, carefully, we bumped along for several miles. We were just about to the lake when I started to press down on the clutch, and the pedal fell to the floor. I immediately knew that the clutch cable had just snapped.
I looked over at Joyce, who had been tense the whole trip. She saw a strange expression on my face and asked with concern, “Barry, what’s wrong?”
I said, “The clutch cable just broke.”
Now she was worried and asked, “What does that mean?”
I’m not exactly a car mechanic, but I did know a thing or two. I did my own tune-ups and minor repairs, closely following a helpful book called, How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive: A Manual of Step-by-Step Procedures for the Complete Idiot.
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“It means changing gears won’t be easy, but it can be done without a clutch. The lake should be just up ahead. Do you want me to keep going? We could still have a good time there.”
“Absolutely Not,” was her vehement reply. “Please get us turned around, and let’s get home.”
And thus began a challenging journey, first getting our van turned around, then creeping along in first gear for several hours, dodging boulders and holes. Overall, it was a long and miserable trip back to our house in Mt. Shasta. Rami cried pretty much the whole time. Joyce appeared to be praying at times, deeply worried at other times. Even when we reached the main road, it required the utmost finesse to time gear changes to match our speed; otherwise, there would be loud gear grinding.
After we put Rami to bed that night, Joyce sat with me to “talk.” She began, “Barry, I’m furious at you for pressuring me to go on this trip. I have difficulty saying no to you, especially when you’re enthusiastic. But I’m angrier at myself. I didn’t have a good feeling when you brought it up, but I didn’t fight for my feelings. I didn’t listen to my intuition. I gave up on myself. From now on, I’m giving you notice; if I don’t have a good feeling about something, I’m not going to let you change my mind!”
After that day’s experience, what could I say? And to this day, I have gradually learned to listen to Joyce’s feelings. Sometimes I don’t like them because they go against my desires. Of course, I also listen to my intuition, deeper than my desires. And if my intuition differs from Joyce’s, we must listen very carefully to the other side. We try to find a compromise, a very important art for couples.
Not long ago, I wanted to raft the Owyhee River in remote Southeast Oregon. The window for doing this had just opened and was very short. In other words, the river levels were dropping fast. I proposed the trip to Joyce. I always prefer that she come with me. I love her company. But she had a strong reaction, a bad feeling, which was rare for her. Joyce tries her best to honor my need for the wilderness, even though she worries about my safety. I can go on some of my trips for days without seeing another soul.
I felt disappointed by her reaction, but something in me (perhaps my intuition) listened and stayed home. What would have been in the middle of my trip, our beloved nine-year-old golden retriever, Rosie, went rapidly downhill. She had been treated for cancer and seemed to be thriving. She died, and I was there to comfort her and Joyce. And it was important to me to say goodbye to my beloved pet. I would have regretted not being there.
I was glad to honor Joyce’s premonition and put my desires aside.
About Joyce & Barry Vissell
Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, passionate about conscious relationships and personal spiritual growth. They are the authors of 9 books and a new free audio album of sacred songs and chants. Call 831-684-2130 for further information on counseling sessions by phone, online, or in person, their books, recordings, or schedule of talks and workshops. Visit their website at SharedHeart.org for their free monthly e-heartletter, updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on relationships and living from the heart.
Our schedule at a glance (details below — All events are now in-person):
July 21-23: Esalen Couples Retreat
November 2023 – April 2024: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)
November 16-19: Autumn Couples Retreat
Quote of the Month:
“We learn to compete with each other very early in life – to win love and recognition by coming out better. Then we find that by winning in our relationships, we are losing. Love is only possible with unification, with expanding the horizon of our being to include another being.” –The Shared Heart, p. 85
Please join Joyce and me in holding a vision of a world where women, men, and children of all nations, races, and religions can see and feel the divine in themselves and one another. Here is our current 2023 workshop schedule. Joyce and I would love to see you at one of these events. Please remember how important this spiritual-emotional growth work is. Together let’s take another step into the heart of love and deeper awareness, where real-world healing begins. Peace be with you all.
- July 21-23: Esalen Couples RetreatLearn skills to dramatically improve your relationship while luxuriating at one of the most uniquely beautiful retreat centers we have ever visited.
- November 2023 – April 2024: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program) Find and live your dream, your passion, and your purpose! Individually and together with a small, carefully chosen group of 8-14 participants, these 6 months will help you transform your life.
- November 16-19: Autumn Couples Retreat Would you like your relationship to reach a new level of love, healing, intimacy, and commitment? Couples describe these weekends as a safe and loving place to learn and practice new skills for their relating.
Volunteers Needed. The Shared Heart Foundation needs volunteers. If you would like to support our vision and work, no matter where you live, email info@sharedheart.org
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Counseling with the Vissells. For individuals or couples who need help, you can choose from one hour to a two-day intensive with either one or both of us. http://sharedheart.org/counseling/
Our love and blessings to you all,
Barry and Joyce Vissell
Please click on SharedHeart.org for inspiring articles about relationships and consciousness and our updated schedule.
