Living on the Edge: When Things Go Really Wrong 1.30.24
Today’s Newsletter: Living on the Edge from Shared Heart: The Vissells
Dear Shared Heart Friends,
Welcome to today’s newsletter, Living on the Edge, from Shared Heart with Joyce and Barry Vissell. We will be sharing about our upcoming retreats as well as another excerpt from our book.
The Couple’s Journey Feb 13-18
A 5-day retreat just for couples that will transform your relationship. During this retreat, you will be open to more love and connection than you thought possible and have enough time to integrate these positive changes into your lives back home.
Men Living from the Heart March 15-17 (Willits, CA)
Before we as men can really know intimate love, we need to connect with our hearts and with other men more deeply. Come to this retreat to learn how this process works, to establish meaningful friendships, and to learn how and why men distract themselves from their true happiness.
The Greatest Journey Apr 24-28, 2024
Find and live your dream, your passion, and your purpose! —-Individually and together with a small, carefully chosen group of 8-14 participants, these 6 months will help you recreate your life.
This month’s article excerpt:
“We can step off this edge and fall, or we can spread our wings and fly.”
“A Couple of Miracles is an amazing book by two amazing humans. I was brought to tears many times. I don’t want you to miss a word of this outstanding book.”–—Susan Campbell, PhD, author of Getting Real
To Purchase:
A Couple of Miracles: One Couple, More Than a Few Miracles, available only on Amazon.com as a Kindle e-book for only $6.95 (or paperback for $18.95). Here’s the link: A Couple of Miracles
“The Vissells’ latest book, A Couple of Miracles, will bring tears to the eyes of readers: tears of joy, tears of compassion, tears of heartache, and tears of laughter. It’s got everything! Readers who are skeptical about miracles should be warned that this book could turn you into a believer! Read this book if you’re looking for a jolt of pure inspiration!”—Linda Bloom, LCSW and Charlie Bloom, MSW, authors of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married
“A truly inspirational story that can open our hearts to appreciate the many miracles that can come through love, compassion, and wisdom. A real page-turner!”—John Gray, PhD, author of Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus.
“I would add to Joyce and Barry’s number of miracles … this book! When two health professionals, despite our training, can open their minds and consciousness to the truth of life, miracles can happen. Read this book!”—Bernie Siegel, MD, author of Love, Medicine & Miracles.
Shared Heart Column
Heartfulness February 2024
with Joyce and Barry Vissell
“Living on the Edge: When Things Go Really Wrong”
When leading a retreat, Joyce and I most want to create a safe container for the deepest personal growth work. It is this feeling of safety that allows participants to really open up.
Unfortunately, that is NOT what happened in January 1989 at a seven-day retreat on the Big Island of Hawaii. The universe stepped in to create the biggest challenges possible. Often, we don’t get what we want, but we do get what we need. But we can still create real safety.
The first evening of the retreat, getting to know each other and setting our intentions for the week, went fine. The next morning’s session allowed everyone to be vulnerable, something we highly value. After lunch, with beautiful sunny weather, we took everyone to the local black sand beach. Being six months pregnant, Joyce stayed back to swim in the pool.
However, when we got there and looked down from the cliff’s edge, we saw no one on the beach or in the water. The waves were huge, covering the entire beach and crashing into the walls of the cliff face. The locals told us emphatically not to even go down to the beach, let alone go into the water.
Before I could gather everyone together to explain the situation, a few of the young men from our group scampered down the trail to the beach. Many people yelled for them to come back, but the deafening sound of the waves prevented them from hearing us. A few of the locals chased down after them, but they were too late. It was between wave sets, and the ocean looked inviting, so two of the men from our group jumped into the ocean. Big mistake! The next huge set of monster waves rushed in. The two men, accustomed to the ocean, hurriedly swam out past the break to safer water. But safer was a relative term. The swells and turbulence proved too much for one of the men, and we could all see that he was in trouble. A young man from our group, who happened to be a lifeguard, grabbed a surfboard and swam out after the big set was complete. He approached the man in trouble just as he slipped under the water and was able to grab his arm and pull him to the surface. Everyone around us cheered to see this miraculous rescue.
Meanwhile, the second man from our group did the unthinkable. Rather than trying to reach shore between the big wave sets, he scrambled up on the ocean side of a truck-sized boulder, hoping to be safe. Above the beach, we watched in horror as a monster wave rose up from the depths, at least ten feet higher than the boulder, and bore down to crush him against the boulder. To everyone who watched from the cliff, it looked like certain death for this unfortunate soul. The wave crashed down on him, burying him under thousands of tons of water. He was gone for what seemed like an eternity. Then the wave receded, and there he was on the beach, without a scratch on him. None of us could explain how he got carried over the boulder and deposited unscathed on the beach.
The next day, we decided to avoid the beach and instead go to see the lava flow into the ocean from the most active volcano in the world, Kilauea. We had done this before, and it had always been safe. The type of lava flow is called Pahoehoe, a term describing slow-moving, oozing, and sometimes ropey lava. But when we arrived near the flow, the ground started to shake. Someone took a video of me telling the group to go no closer. I’m not a volcanologist, but it appeared there was an obstruction in the lava tube system, causing the quaking. While I was talking, you could see the group filing past me on the video, ignoring my warning. Then, you could see me throwing up my hands in surrender and chasing after the group to keep them as safe as possible.
Then the ground exploded, and a fountain of red lava shot a hundred feet into the air. I yelled for everyone to run, which we did. When we were far enough away, we turned and saw one man staying behind, taking photos of the eruption while 2000-degree lava splashed down around him, and all of us screamed at him in alarm, fear, and anger at his stupidity.
To our relief, he finally joined us. Some of us hugged him. Others yelled at him.
But we were not safe yet. A cloud of smoke and ash enveloped us, and we felt our skin begin to burn from the acid in the air. Again, I yelled for everyone to run. Was this a retreat, or was it a movie?
That evening, there was intense processing. People were scared, even traumatized. A few people were angry at the men who risked their lives. But most people were also grateful for the angels’ protection of all of us.
For the following day’s afternoon outing, Joyce and I decided on something soothing and nurturing, a tiny gem of a pond named Pohoiki, slightly bigger than a large hot tub, surrounded by jungle, and delightfully warmed from underground steam vents to about ninety-eight degrees. About twenty of us, including Joyce, made our way into the pond and were relaxing and singing when we looked up and saw another member of our group approach the pool. This man had late-stage AIDS and had not much longer to live, and his positive attitude about life and death was an inspiration to us all. However, he had a cut on his shin that was bleeding profusely down his leg, and he seemed completely unaware of this injury. He entered the water, and we all watched his blood diffuse into the water.
That evening, most of the people who were in that pond shared their fear of getting AIDS. As a medical doctor, I knew the chances of getting infected by the AIDS virus from blood in the water were minuscule. But a member of our group just happened to be a medical doctor who specialized in AIDS, and he was finally able to reassure the group.
Oh, and finally, on the fourth day of our “retreat,” a newly pregnant woman suddenly developed severe lower abdominal pain. She was rushed to the emergency room in Hilo with possible ectopic pregnancy, a life-threatening emergency. Luckily, it turned out that she was fine and came back late that night.
So, would you call this a relaxing retreat? I don’t think so. Growthful? Absolutely! We don’t believe that any other retreat before or since bonded the participants in this way. To this day, we sometimes hear from people who were at that retreat. Each person vividly remembers the intensity of the events that especially united us all. Each person was opened to a spiritual dimension of life, and a deeper awareness of heavenly intervention, and their lives were changed for the better.
Would we have chosen this kind of retreat? Of course not. But this is life! Sometimes, it’s incredibly difficult. We always have a choice in our reactions to the challenges. We can grumble, or we can be thankful.
By the way, the official title of the retreat was “Living from the Heart.” Sometime during the retreat, the name was changed to “Living on the Edge.” And reflecting on this, I realize that truly living from the heart is exactly living on the edge. We can step off this edge and fall or spread our wings and fly.
Semi-Finalist, Book of the Year, Online Book Club
Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are passionate about conscious relationships and personal spiritual growth. They are the authors of 10 books and a free audio album of sacred songs and chants.
Visit SharedHeart.org for their free weekly inspirational video and monthly e-heart letter, updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationships and living from the heart.
Our schedule at a glance (details below — All events are now in-person):
February 13-18, 2024: The Couple’s Journey
March 15-17: Men Living from the Heart (Willits, CA)
April 24-28: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)
Quote of the Month:
“The pain of surrendering is due to our clinging to who we think we are and what we think should be happening. But the surrender itself is exhilarating and joyous, not painful. – The Shared Heart, p. 35
Please join Joyce and me in holding a vision of a world where women, men, and children of all nations, races, and religions can see and feel the divine in themselves and one another. Here is our current 2024 workshop schedule. Joyce and I would love to see you at one of these events. Please remember how important this spiritual-emotional growth work is. Let’s take another step on this journey into the heart of love and deeper awareness, where real-world healing begins. Peace be with you all.
Please remember how important this spiritual-emotional growth work is. Together, let’s take another step on this journey into the heart of love and deeper awareness, where real-world healing begins. Peace be with you all.
Just to recap:
February 13-18, 2024: The Couple’s Journey
A 5-day retreat just for couples that will transform your relationship. During this retreat, you will not only open to more love and connection you thought possible, but you will have enough time to integrate these positive changes into your lives back home.
March 15-17: Men Living from the Heart (Willits, CA)
Before we as men can really know intimate love, we need to connect with our own hearts and with other men more deeply. Come to this retreat to learn how this process works, to establish meaningful friendships, and to learn how and why men distract themselves from their true happiness.
April 24-28: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)
Find and live your dream, your passion, and your purpose! Individually and together with a small, carefully chosen group of 8-14 participants, these 6 months will help you transform your life.
July 19-21, 2024: Esalen Couples Retreat
Learn skills to dramatically improve your relationship while luxuriating at one of the most uniquely beautiful retreat centers we have ever visited.
We are excited to offer our FREE album of sacred songs and chants, “I Stand for Love,” our first musical recording. You can download the whole album for free or listen to it on YouTube. Wait till you hear the exquisite harmonies added by our son, John-Nuri.
Free Album Download
Listen on YouTube
Volunteers Needed. The Shared Heart Foundation needs volunteers. If you would like to support our vision and work, no matter where you live, email info@sharedheart.org
Counseling with the Vissells. For individuals or couples who want help, you can choose from one hour to a two-day intensive with either one or both of us. http://sharedheart.org/counseling/
Our love and blessings to you all,
Barry and Joyce Vissell
If you missed our last Shared Heart newsletter, it is here.
