The Best is Yet to Be-Shared Heart-8.31.23
Dear Shared Heart Friends,-The Best is Yet to Be!
The Greatest Journey Nov 2023-Apr 2024
Find and live your dream, your passion, and your purpose! Individually and together with a small, carefully chosen group of 8-14 participants, these six months will help you recreate your life.
Autumn Couples Retreat Nov 16-19
Would you like your relationship to reach a new level of love, healing, intimacy, and commitment? Couples describe these weekends as a safe and loving place to learn and practice new skills for their relating.
The Couple’s Journey Feb 13-18
A 5-day retreat just for couples that will transform your relationship. During this retreat, you will be open to more love and connection than you thought possible and have enough time to integrate these positive changes into your lives back home.
We are excited to offer our FREE album of sacred songs and chants, “I Stand for Love,” our first musical recording. You can download the whole album for free or listen to it on YouTube. Wait till you hear the exquisite harmonies added by our son, John-Nuri.
Free Album Download
Listen on YouTube
Excerpt from this month’s article: “There is an indicator of a deep and true love, no matter how old you are.”
Our latest book, Heartfullness: 52 Ways to Open to More Love, is available only on Amazon.com as a Kindle e-book for only $5.99 (or paperback for $15.95). Read what one reviewer says:
“I love love love this book!! For me, it’s like a thought for the day … I read — then carry that nugget of love, joy, or peace to ponder and bathe in throughout the day, –or even take into my meditations!! Such a treasure !! priceless!” –Trish Turpel
Here’s the link: https://www.amazon.com/Heartfullness-Ways-Open-More-Love-ebook/dp/B081K926GY (not an affiliate link)
Unbelievable Book Sale: To Really Love a Woman and To Really Love a Man (each regular price $15.95) now $15 for both with free shipping; and if you buy both, as a bonus, just $3 each (and free shipping) for as many as you want of the following books: The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk To Be Healed, Rami’s Book, Light in the Mirror, and A Mother’s Final Gift. Please call Paris at 831-684-2130 to order.
Shared Heart Column
Heartfulness September 2023
with Joyce and Barry Vissell
“The Best is Yet to Be”
“Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love.”
This is the first stanza of a beautiful song I have sung to Joyce for many years. I just assumed Mary Chapin Carpenter wrote it. Come to find out, it was one of the last songs written by John Lennon for his beloved Yoko in 1980, shortly before he was killed.
No matter how old you are, there is an indicator of deep and true love. It is imagining growing old with the one you love. If you can do that, it’s one way you know you have found true love.
Joyce and I can now say that we have grown old together. We’re both 77 and have been together since 1964. That’s going on 59 years. Naturally, we hope we have many more years together.
Joyce’s mother, Louise, used to say, after her husband, Hank, died, “The last twenty years of our marriage were the best.” They went through many challenges, sometimes coming close to ending their relationship. But, in those last twenty years together, they went to a peaceful sweetness and true closeness that became a treasure for them both.
Joyce and my relationship, too, has become more and more of a treasure. We’re both at peace with how much we need each other. Especially me. I fought against “needing” Joyce for many years, thinking it was a sign of weakness. I could admit to loving her but not needing her. Now, I find that my need for Joyce’s love is actually a sign of strength. It takes courage to admit human emotional needs. Joyce has always had this courage. It simply took me longer to get there.
When we were younger, we argued more. We were less mature emotionally. We still very occasionally discuss. It’s just human nature. But we have learned that neither of us ever wants to hurt the other. This simple truth helps us to forgive each other’s occasional clumsiness or momentary lack of awareness. Even though our fights are rare these days, the temporary pain of separation is more unbearable than when we were younger. So, we are more motivated to work things out and return to our profound closeness. This closeness is so pronounced that “closeness” is inaccurate. Oneness is a better word. Most of the time, when I’m with Joyce, there is no awareness of being with someone separate from me. It has become such a normal, but still sublime, feeling. Even with our kids or grandkids, who we adore, there is still the feeling of being with someone else. John Lennon writes, “When our time has come, we will be as one.”
And yes, we still thoroughly enjoy making love. Of course, it’s not the same as when we were young, but we both feel it is even better. It’s not as frequent, but we look forward to this intimate time. The goal has shifted from an ending climax to the whole experience, just like a lovely walk in the woods is not defined by the destination but by the enjoyment of the journey. We have written much on this subject in our books, To Really Love a Woman and To Really Love a Man.
This may sound like a paradox, but there can be a newness to old love. A novelty that comes from the enjoyment of moments. A newness that comes from more peaceful living. Joyce and I start each day with a short, maybe ten-minute, silent meditation. Then we hold hands, touch our foreheads together, and take turns offering a prayer of thanksgiving and asking our divine source for help in the things we need. After this prayer, we look into each other’s eyes and feel the newness of our old love. If you really look into the eyes of a loved one, you can’t help but find new treasures there. Please take the time to look into the eyes of those you love. You’ll see what I mean.
Most people are afraid of growing old, fearful of increasing dependence, infirmity, weakness, or chronic illness. I am, too. I just returned from a solo backpacking trip in the High Sierras. I love to go off-trail, cross country, to remote places where I can revel in solitude. Because Joyce sometimes worries about something happening to me, I carry a tiny satellite communicator for emergencies. However, I acknowledge that these solo adventures are now numbered. There is no guarantee that even one more trip can happen. But when I get to the point when these outer adventures have to end, I look forward to the inner adventures, the continued discovery of the richness of life, and the newness of old love with Joyce.
It’s true; the best is yet to be. John Lennon was right. Sadly, he never got to grow old with his true love, Yoko Ono, but the true power was in his envisioning it. It’s what he wanted.
Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are passionate about conscious relationships and personal spiritual growth. They are the authors of 9 books and a new free audio album of sacred songs and chants. Call 831-684-2130 for further information on counseling sessions by phone, online, or in person, their books, recordings, or their schedule of talks and workshops. Visit their website at SharedHeart.org for their free monthly e-heartletter, updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on relationships and living from the heart.
Our schedule at a glance (details below — All events are now in-person):
November 2023 – April 2024: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)
November 16-19: Autumn Couples Retreat
February 13-18, 2024: The Couple’s Journey
Quote of the Month:
“Rather than pretending to be strong and independent, we can find our true strength by freely admitting our human emotional needs. The humble person is not afraid of dependence.” – The Shared Heart, p. 24
Please join Joyce and me in holding a vision of a world where women, men, and children of all nations, races, and religions can see and feel the divine in themselves and one another. Here is our current 2023-2024 workshop schedule. Joyce and I would love to see you at one of these events. Please remember how vital this spiritual-emotional growth work is. Let’s take another step on this journey into the heart of love and deeper awareness, where real-world healing begins. Peace be with you all.
November 2023 – April 2024: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)
Find and live your dream, your passion, and your purpose! Individually and together with a small, carefully chosen group of 8-14 participants, these 6 months will help you transform your life.
November 16-19: Autumn Couples Retreat
Would you like your relationship to reach a new level of love, healing, intimacy, and commitment? Couples describe these weekends as a safe and loving place to learn and practice new skills for their relating.
February 13-18, 2024: The Couple’s Journey
A 5-day retreat just for couples that will transform your relationship. During this retreat, you will be open to more love and connection than you thought possible and have enough time to integrate these positive changes into your lives back home.
Volunteers Needed. The Shared Heart Foundation needs volunteers. If you would like to support our vision and work, no matter where you live, email info@sharedheart.org
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Counseling with the Vissells. For individuals or couples who need help, you can choose from one hour to a two-day intensive with either one or both of us. https://sharedheart.org/counseling/
Our love and blessings to you all,
Barry and Joyce Vissell
Please click on SharedHeart.org for inspiring articles about relationships and consciousness and our updated schedule.
