The Gift of Solitude
Retreat information as well as a section on The Gift of Solitude
Dear Shared Heart Friends,
Next Retreats for Couples …
Autumn Couples Retreat November 10-13
Would you like your relationship to reach a new level of love, healing, intimacy, and commitment? Shared Heart Home-Center in Aptos, CA
The Couple’s Journey February 14-19
A 5-day retreat just for couples that will transform your relationship. During this retreat, you will not only be open to more love and connection than you thought possible, but you will have enough time to integrate these positive changes into your lives back home.
We are excited to offer our FREE album of sacred songs and chants, “I Stand for Love,” our first musical recording. You can download the whole album for free, or listen to it on YouTube. Wait till you hear the exquisite harmonies added by our son, John-Nuri.
Free Album Download
Listen on YouTube
Excerpt from this month’s article: “Going through the fear and uncertainty was part of the gift of solitude.”
Our latest book: Heartfullness: 52 Ways to Open to More Love, is available only on Amazon.com as a Kindle e-book for only $5.99 (or paperback for $15.95). Read what one reviewer says:
“I love love love this book!! For me it is like a thought for the day … I read — then carry that nugget of love, joy or peace to ponder and bathe in throughout the day, –or even take into my meditations!! such a treasure !! priceless!” –Trish Turpel
Here’s the link: https://www.amazon.com/Heartfullness-Ways-Open-More-Love-ebook/dp/B081K926GY
Unbelievable Book Sale: To Really Love a Woman and To Really Love a Man (each regular price $15.95) now $15 for both with free shipping; and if you buy both, as a bonus, just $3 each (and free shipping) for as many as you want of the following books: The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk To Be Healed, Rami’s Book, Light in the Mirror, and A Mother’s Final Gift. Please call Paris at 831-684-2130 to order.
“The Gift of Solitude”
Shared Heart Column
Heartfulness October 2022
with Joyce and Barry Vissell
When I tell people I’m driving almost 1000 miles to raft Desolation Canyon of the Green River, an extremely remote and roadless 84 miles in eastern Utah, which will take me about a week, they assume, “Wow, what a nice trip I’m doing with Joyce and some rafting company with lots of people!”
Then I mention that it’s a solo trip, just me, perhaps not seeing another soul for days at a time. Most people are appalled. They tell me I’m crazy. They tell me I’m reckless.
Perhaps I am, just a bit, crazy and reckless that is. But for me, I crave solitude in the wilderness, nature’s divine temple. I’m writing this from my first night’s camp, eight miles downstream from the put-in at Sand Wash. I am truly alone. I had lightning, thunder, and rain while rowing in my little 12-foot raft, loaded with everything I need for a week away from civilization, with no cell service, internet, cars – or people.
My first choice, however, is not solitude. My first choice is to be here with my beloved Joyce. When the two of us are in nature, it’s like I’m alone. We are so attuned to one another that it feels like I’m with a special part of me, rather than with someone else. But alas, Joyce has a limit to the number of river trips she feels comfortable doing. And she doesn’t feel able to go backpacking with me anymore. With Joyce, we take off in our camper and still get a fine nature experience. But a few times a year, as long as I am able, Joyce gives her blessing for my solo immersions into the wilderness.
You ask, “Why solitude? Why not go with a friend or six?
Here’s my process. Day by day, I let go of time and schedules, instead experiencing nature’s time and timelessness. I eat when I’m hungry, rather than because it’s time to eat. I stop to rest when I get tired, and camp not because it’s time to camp, but because I have found a beautiful spot that calls to my soul. I sing while I’m rowing or while hiking up an inviting side canyon. I notice nature’s loveliness (including the rain today), the wildlife along the river corridor. Today, I stopped rowing to watch a Great Blue Heron skillfully catch minnows in the shallows near the shore. And best of all, day by day I feel the chatter and static of my mind calm down, replaced by a growing peace. Wilderness for me is a non-stop opportunity for meditation and prayer. Even my breathing takes on a more natural rhythm, and I more easily feel each breath than when I’m busy at home. The distractions from the simple act of being are reduced to a few simple camp chores. Most of my time in solitude, it’s just me and divine creation, and the infinite Source of creation. Right now, sitting near my campfire, it is enough just to gaze at the dancing yellows and oranges, and bask in its warmth.
Why don’t we give ourselves the gift of solitude in nature? I can think of two main reasons. There may be more. One is fear. Even more than the fear of physical injury, or getting eaten by a bear, in solitude, there is the chance to get to know ourselves better. What if things that have been buried, like old shame or regrets, come up to the surface? Then I say, “Great! Let them come up so we can work them through to deeper healing and possible self-forgiveness.”
On the second day of my river journey, while hiking up a rugged side canyon, I reached ahead of me to break off a branch blocking my path. It’s such an automatic response on the trails around our home, but here in the desert, the vegetation is quite different. As the branch snapped, a huge splinter embedded itself into my finger. I tried to pull it out, but it broke off just under the skin where it couldn’t be reached. That night, my finger swelled up with infection and pain. If I were at home, this potentially serious incident wouldn’t bring up as much fear as it did in my complete solitude in the wilderness. I had moments of true fear, with the possibility of a medical emergency, or even losing my finger – or worse. In between those moments of fear, I needed to trust that I would be okay. I used antibiotic ointment and bandaged my finger, endured the pain for two more days, and finally, my finger ejected the largest splinter I have ever seen. Going through fear and uncertainty was part of the gift of solitude.
The other reason for not giving ourselves the gift of solitude is our feeling of unworthiness. Do we actually deserve to give ourselves this gift of solitude? Isn’t it selfish to spend time alone when we can be “productive” members of society? I’m often reminded of the Native American saying, “Humble yourself to receive, before you can truly give.” Solitude is a chance to recharge your life batteries, so you can really be productive by giving your love and your gifts.
So I challenge you. Do you have enough solitude in nature? Of course, you don’t need to solo raft 84 miles down a wilderness river. Going for a hike on a local trail, perhaps sitting directly on the earth, or on a rock near a creek, can do wonders. Even sitting in your backyard garden, however small, can give you a taste of solitude in nature. But give yourself time alone, quiet time for reflection, time without electronics or screens. Sit next to a plant, breathing in the oxygen that it breathes out just for you. And give the plant your exhaled carbon dioxide as a special gift for its life. Bring balance and harmony to your body, mind, and soul.
Sometime near the middle of my trip, I saw people for the first time. A group of five friends in three canoes, faster craft than my raft, passed me on the river. A man called out, “Don’t you get lonely being here all by yourself?” I smiled and said, “No, not at all.”
Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are passionate about conscious relationships and personal spiritual growth. They are the authors of 9 books and a new free audio album of sacred songs and chants. Call 831-684-2130 for further information on counseling sessions by phone, online, or in person, their books, recordings, or their schedule of talks and workshops. Visit their website at SharedHeart.org for their free monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationships and living from the heart.
Our schedule at a glance (details below — All events are now in-person):
October 21: Spiritual Chanting and Singing
October 26-30: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)
November 10-13: Autumn Couples Retreat
February 14-19: The Couples Journey
I hope you enjoy our passage on The Gift of Solitude.
Quote of the Month:
“Allow yourself to enjoy the gifts of our mother earth: laying upon her ground, walking her paths, climbing her rocks, and wading in her waters. There is a wonder, magic and healing to be found out of doors.” –Risk To Be Healed, p. 84.
Please join Joyce and me in holding a vision of a world where women, men, and children of all nations, races, and religions can see and feel the divine in themselves and one another. Here is our current 2022-2023 workshop schedule. Joyce and I would love to see you at one of these events. Please remember how important this spiritual-emotional growth work is. Together let’s take another step on this journey into the heart of love and deeper awareness, where real-world healing begins. Peace be with you all.
The Gift of Solitude 2022-2023 Workshop Schedule
October 21: Spiritual Chanting and Singing
A special 90 minutes of singing, chanting (mostly in English), and opening your hearts to the divine. Join Barry and Joyce with guest musicians. If you are a musician, please bring an instrument and join us.
When: Friday, October 21, 2022, 7-8:30pm
Where: Center for Spiritual Living, 1818 Felt St, Santa Cruz, CA
Cost: FREE or Love offering to support CSL.
October 26-30: The Greatest Journey (Mentorship Program)
Find and live your dream, your passion, and your purpose! Individually and together with a small, carefully chosen group of 8-14 participants (singles or couples), these 6 months will help you recreate your life.
November 10-13: Autumn Couples Retreat
Would you like your relationship to reach a new level of love, healing, intimacy, and commitment?
February 14-19: The Couples Journey
A 5-day retreat just for couples that will transform your relationship. During this retreat, you will not only be open to more love and connection than you thought possible, but you will have enough time to integrate these positive changes into your lives back home.
Volunteers Needed. The Shared Heart Foundation needs volunteers. If you would like to support our vision and work, no matter where you live, email info@sharedheart.org.
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Counseling with the Vissells. For individuals or couples who need help, you can choose from one hour to a two-day intensive with either one or both of us. http://sharedheart.org/counseling/
Do you ever shop on Amazon.com? Now you can support The Shared Heart Foundation just by shopping online. Just go to smile.amazon.com, sign in like you normally do, specify The Shared Heart Foundation (you only have to do this once), and 0.5% of every order supports us. Thank you for this support.
Our love and blessings to you all,
Barry and Joyce Vissell
Please click on SharedHeart.org for inspiring articles about relationships and consciousness, as well as our updated schedule.
