We Often Get Poor Advice Because… Daily Meditation -9.21.23

Today’s quotation:

We often get poor advice because it’s hard to find someone who always has our best interests at heart. Isn’t envious in any way and at no level thinks he or she knows what’s best for you. -David J. Lieberman

Today’s Meditation:

I try to give a little advice.  When I do, I try to preface it with the statement, “This is simply advice, not me telling you what to do.”  I know from experience that advice isn’t very often the best thing for anyone–after all, what worked best for me probably won’t work best for you.  You’re a different person facing a similar situation, but not an identical one–what worked for me may or may not be practical here.  There is pretty universal advice (don’t text while driving, for example), but much of it is simply someone else telling us what they think is best for us.

Good advice stands out, and we know it when we hear it.  Poor advice is much more common, and we usually know that when we listen to it, too.  The problem is that good advice is often the more complex path to follow, so we go with the advice we want to hear.  We’ve fallen victim to the confirmation bias–someone else tells us it’s good to do what we want instead of what’s best to do, so we run with that and end up doing something that wasn’t best at all.

In many situations, I’ve given up asking for advice at all.  These are the situations in which I know what’s right, and even though it’s hard, I know what I need to do.  Asking for advice would be more like asking for someone else to justify a way out for me than asking for advice, and I know there really isn’t any easy way out.  So, I do what I must and leave others out of it.  (Of course, asking others how to do certain things is often wise, especially if they’ve been through it themselves.)

I want to think that my advice would be particularly valuable to anyone who receives it, but the truth is that it probably rarely is.  I give it anyway, sparingly, because I have the urge to spare others unnecessary pain, regret, or problems.  I have to keep in mind, though, that there’s a chance that my advice may cause more of all of those things, so I need to be careful just how and how often I dispense it.

Questions to consider:

What are some of the values of good advice?

Why do so many people feel that their advice is so valuable?

What’s some of the best advice you’ve ever received?  The worst?

For further thought:

In my experience, most unsolicited advice comes from people who genuinely care.  They want what’s best for you, and they think their cautionary tales (even when you know the advice to be misguided) can help you avoid missteps.  Whenever possible, graciously say “thank you” and move on.  This lets those who care feel like they are participating in your success and helping you on your journey.-Brittany Hodak.

If you missed our last Daily Meditation, you will find it here.